


All I Ask of You

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 10:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17058473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You love Dean Winchester, and you know he loves you too.  But his fear is too great to let him give in.  He won’t let you love him…will you ever be able to convince him?  Inspired by “All I ask of You” from The Phantom of the Opera.





	1. Chapter 1

_No more talk of darkness.  Forget these wide-eyed fears._

 

You stumbled, but quickly regained your footing, as you helped Sam get Dean to his room.  It had taken a few hours to track down which bar he went to, but the two of you eventually found him.  It had been a particularly rough hunt, a vampire that was prettying on children.  By the end, six children had been killed, and the guilt was weighing on Dean’s mind.  So much so, that he drove off, leaving you and Sam at the motel, as he went to drink his worries away. 

 

And that was how you had found him, wasted, crying as he sat in Baby.  Sam plopped Dean down in the bed and just walked off, leaving you to handle Dean on your own.  You sighed, knowing it wasn’t going to be easy.

 

_I'm here, nothing can harm you, my words will warm and calm you._

You kneeled down in front of him, slowly untying his boots, when you heard him sniffle.  Looking up, your heart broke as you saw tears fall down his face, making the green in his eyes turn to a brighter shade as they reflected the light.

 

“Dean…”  You reached up and wiped his face dry, trying to keep your composure.  You knew he needed you to be strong right now.  Dean didn’t let most see this side of him, mainly only you, sometimes Sam.  But when he did, it was because he needed someone to take his mind from the dark places.

 

“It wasn’t your fault, Dean.  We worked as fast as we could.  But you saved so many children, think of all those children who are safe now.”  You whispered to him as you pushed his jacked from his shoulders. 

_Let me be your freedom.  Let daylight dry your tears._

“I’m not strong enough…”  Dean said, staring down at the floor.  “Not strong enough to save them…not strong enough to save my family….”  More tears fell down his face.  His chest started moving quickly as he struggled to pull the air into his lungs. 

 

“Dean, you are strong enough.  You are stronger that I am, stronger than Sam.  And we will never leave you, Dean.  We will be right here, because….because we love you, Dean.” 

_I'm here, with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you._

Dean shook his head and began pushing against you as you tried to undo his belt.  Part of you considered letting him just sleep with it on, but you wanted him to be as comfortable as possible.  “Dean, stop.  I need to get you ready for bed.”  You huffed as you tried to work around him.

 

“Why do you care?”  He hissed at you.  The venom in his voice took you back for a moment.  Dean was never this harsh with you, but for some reason, he was tonight.  “Not like you care about me…”  Dean whispered as a few more tears fell.  He turned his head away from you as he took in a jagged breath. 

 

_Say you'll love me every waking moment.  Turn my head with talk of summer time._

__

“Dean, don’t you dare say that.  You know that I care about you.”  Your heart was breaking, because you really did care for Dean, but he didn’t want to believe it. 

 

“Yea, but you don’t love me…”  He deadpanned.  You’re not in love with me.  No matter how much I want you to.” 

__

_Say you need me with you now and always._

__

“Dean…”  Your eyes went wide at his words.  Could you really go through this again?  

 

“I need you…I need you here.”  He looked up into your eyes, staring with his emeralds.  “You are the only one who can pull me from my mind.  Please…don’t let me go back there.”  He pleaded with you as he leaned forward, resting his head on your shoulder. 

__

_Promise me that all you say is true, that's all I ask of you._

You were quick to wrap your arms around his shoulders, closing your eyes as you enjoyed how close he was to you.  You ran your fingers up through his hair as you whispered into his ear.  “I do love you, Dean.  I love you more than I could ever say.”

 

“No you don’t…”  Dean said flatly as he slowly started to rock back and forth in your arms.  “You never have…never will…” 

 

_Let me be your shelter, let me be your light._

Your heart was breaking, over and over and over.  Dean didn’t believe your words.  Simple as they were, you knew your words were true, but no matter how many times you had told him, he never seemed to believe you. Or if he did, he denied it.  

 

“Dean, please.  Listen to me…”  You pushed him up so you could look up at him.  “I would never lie to you.  I am always honest with you, even when I don’t want to be, you know that, right?” 

 

Dean gave a small nod.  “But you don’t love me…”

 

“Yes, Dean, I do.  I will always will.”

 

“No you don’t!”  He screamed at you. 

 

You gave a startled jump as he screamed, and then fell to his knees in front of you, holding your face in his hands.  “Because if you love me…then you’ll die…” 

_You're safe, no one will find you, your fears are far behind you._

That was it…that was why.  It wasn’t that Dean didn’t believe your words, it was that he feared them.  He had lost so many people in his life, so many loved ones, that his fear was no what ruled his heart, not his love. 

 

You cupped his head in your hands as you pulled him close, resting your forehead against his.  “I’m not afraid, and you shouldn’t be either, Dean.  I know you will protect me.  You would protect me, right?” 

 

Dean nodded as a sob escaped his lips.  His shoulders started to shake as he tried to hold it all in.  “But you don’t love me, you don’t love me.”  He whispered as he pushed his head against yours.  “Tell me you don’t love me…” 

 

_All I want is freedom, a world with no more night._

__

“I will never lie to you, Dean.”  You said as you shifted closer to him.  The past few months, you and Dean had grown closer, to the point where you were sure that he felt the same about you.  Every time he would get angry with you, your actions, your words, you thought he was trying to make a point that he didn’t…but you realized a while ago, it was the opposite.  He did care about you, but he was trying to push you away.

 

“Please, just…just this once…lie to me.”  He begged you.  “I can’t…I don’t want to lose you too.  I don’t want to have those nightmares anymore.  I don’t want to worry about what is lurking in the shadows.  Please…”  

__

_And you, always beside me, to hold me and to hide me._

__

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him close into a tight hug.  “Saying it won’t make it true, Dean.” 

 

He wrapped his arms around your waist, squeezing so hard that you worried you might break.  “I know…but I’m scared.  I’m scared that….that if…if I let you in, I’ll lose you.” 

 

You could feel his tears fall from his face and down your neck.  Even so, you couldn’t help but give a soft smile.  Damn Dean Winchester and his stupid jacked up logic.  “You won’t lose me, Dean.  I will always be here.  I will always be right here, in your arms.”  You ran your hands up and through his hair as you pulled him as close as you could muster, holding him tightly. 

 

_Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime, let me lead you from your solitude._

“Why would you do that?  Why would you want to be here with me?  My life…it sucks.”  His voice cracked, making him struggle to get his breath back. 

 

“You’re life, to me, is perfect.  And I’m not leaving.”  You gave him a soft kiss to his cheek before nuzzling your head into his neck.  “I’m here for the long haul, Dean.  I promise, whenever you need me, I’ll be right here.” 

_Say you need me with you here, beside you, anywhere you go, let me go too.  That’s all I ask of you._

Tears pooled in your eyes as you took a deep breath.  You were trying to keep yourself together, but it was hard.  “I will always be right here.  When you need me, I’ll be right beside you.  When you go into fire and hell, I’m going with you, because I love you, Dean.” 

 

Dean was sobbing by now, crying tears over your fate and his.  “I don’t want that.  I don’t want you in the fire, in hell.  You deserve paradise, you deserve light.” 

 

You chuckled as you gave him another kiss on the cheek.  “I deserve you, Dean.  I deserve the man I love.” 

 

_Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime, say the word and I will follow you._

__

Dean loosened his arms and leaned back, looking into your eyes.  You ran your thumb over his cheek as you saw him process your words, running over every argument he could possibly think. 

 

This was now the fifth time that this had happened.  The fifth time that Dean had gotten drunk and finally admitted that he loved you.  Each time, you got closer and closer to the real reason as to why he was so hesitant for your love.  But now, now that you had the truth…maybe now he would accept it.  Maybe now he would accept your love. 

__

_Share each day with me, each night, each morning._

__

“You deserve to wake up happy, every morning.  You deserve to be loved by someone who can love you right…”  Dean spoke, his head hung low. 

 

“Yes, I do.”  You said with a smile.  “And that someone is you, Dean.  Please…why can’t you see that?” 

 

_Say you love me._

__

“I love you.”  Dean said softly as he hands fell from your sides.  He leaned back and slowly slid back up to sit on the bed.  “I really do…” 

 

“I know that, Dean.  I have always known.”  You moved forward, between his knees and pushed yourself up, standing so his head could rest on your stomach.  “But I need you to let me love you back.”

 

_You know I do._

You stood there, staring down at Dean as you waited for his answer.  Would this finally be the time he lets you in.  Would this finally be the time when you could hold him close, wrap yourself in his arms, kiss him, love him…

 

“You don’t love me…you can’t.”  He said as he turned away, laying on the bed, his back to you.  You saw the tears falling down his face as he turned away.  It was killing him to do this to you, just as it was killing you to have this done to you.  But he wouldn’t risk it, he wouldn’t risk your life.  He truly loved you that much. 

 

_Love me, that's all I ask of you._

__

Your heart broke, tears fell down your face, as you turned and walked out of his room.  You walked down the hall and collapsed onto your own bed.  How many more times?  How many more times would you have to do this?  To hear him say he loves you but not accept you?  How many more times? 

 

You just wanted to love him.  You wanted to not have to hide behind fear…you loved Dean Winchester.  How long until he let you show it?  You heard some shuffling and looked up to see Sam standing in your door, giving you a hopeful look.  A look that fell when you shook your head, then rolled over and sobbed into your pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

You laid in bed and stared at the ceiling.  Last night was hell on your emotions, and you honestly couldn’t find the drive to get out of bed.  Partly because you felt defeated, that no matter what you did, Dean would not let you love him.  The other part was because you knew, that down the hall, Sam and Dean would be having breakfast, pretending nothing happened. 

 

That’s what it was like the mornings after.  Dean would pretend that nothing was said, he didn’t confess his love, neither did you.  If it wasn’t for the fact that it killed you each time, you would almost admire his ability to just put things off to the side…but this time, it was you he was putting aside. 

 

The thought crossed your mind again as you looked to your emergency duffle stuffed into the bottom of your closet…you could just leave.  You could leave this place, try to move on from Dean Winchester.  Leave everything behind and just find somewhere new to start.  But could you do that?  Could you just leave him like that? 

 

You let out a loud sigh as you covered your face with a pillow, screaming into it. 

 

“Doesn’t really help, does it?”  That deep voice called out to you, making you freeze in yours spot.  “Your food is getting cold…just wanted to let you know…” 

 

You lifted the pillow from your face as you saw Dean turn from your door and walk away.  There it was, that voice of indifference to you pain.  Did he really not see what he was doing to you?  Your eyes darted back over to the bag.  You could do it…just disappear.  You had done it before, when you left your family to start hunting. 

 

“Castiel, could you come here for a moment?”  You asked softly as you sat up on your bed.  This was the coward’s way out, but you didn’t care.  The pain was too much.  You couldn’t do this anymore.

 

There was a sound of fluttering wings and a slight breeze, and you knew that Cas was with you.  You saw him turn his head to the side as he stepped up to you.  “Why…why does your soul have a crack in it?” 

 

You let out a sad chuckle.  “Because I’m heartbroken, Cas.  That’s why I called you.” 

 

Castiel sat down next to you as he pressed two fingers to your forehead.  He waited for a moment, but then his face turned down into a scowl, and you knew why.  “You can’t fix it, Cas.  It isn’t something that can be fixed.” 

 

You played with the hem of your shirt as you began to explain why you were heartbroken.  And as the good friend he was, he sat there and listened to your story, hearing your heart ache.  He even mentioned that the crack seemed to waiver a bit when you said Dean’s name…figures. 

 

“I don’t understand.  I can’t fix this problem.”  He said with sad words. 

 

“I know…but you can take me away from it.”  You looked up into the blue eyes of your best friend.  “I need time, Cas.  Time to figure out what to do, to fix myself.  Please…take me somewhere they won’t find me…”  Tears began to fall down your face as you spoke.  You didn’t want to leave Dean, but you couldn’t stay…it was killing you. 

 

Castiel gave a sad nod as he stood up and grabbed your bag, setting it on your lap as he reached out and took your shoulder, flying somewhere far away where he hoped your soul would heal.

 

000

 

“What is taking her so long?”  Dean asked as he sipped away at his coffee, watching the entrance to the kitchen.  “I told her that her food was getting cold…” 

 

Sam scoffed as he pushed up from the table, putting his plate into the sink with the other dishes.

 

“What?!”  Dean yelled at him.

 

“You are an asshole, Dean!  You don’t think I know what happened last night?  What happens every night we have to drag you home from the bar?!”

 

Dean’s eyes fell back to the table and he tried to take up interest with his small coffee cup.  He didn’t want to hear it.  He knew he was an asshole, but it was the only way to keep you safe.

 

“You’re an idiot.  You think doing this to her is keeping her safe?!”  Sam shoved his brother’s shoulder, making him turn to look at him.  “What the hell is wrong with you, do you even care about what she is going through?!” 

 

“Don’t you dare!  Don’t you dare fucking say I don’t care!”  Dean screamed back at his brother, but he was suddenly hit with a strong force and knocked to the ground.  _What the hell?  Did Sam just hit him?_

 

Dean regained himself, his coffee splattered all over the floor, as he looked up to see Castiel standing next to Sam.  “What the hell, Cas?” 

 

“I believed you were an honest man, Dean Winchester.  But I know now that I was mistaken.”  Castiel’s voice was harsh and angry, not a combination that the boys heard very often.

 

“Cas?”  Sam asked as he took a couple steps back. 

 

“I just talked with Y/N, she told me everything.” 

 

Dean shook his head and looked down to the floor as he tried to get back on his feet, but he was greeted with some other force that knocked him down.  “Damnit, what Cas?” 

 

“You have broken her, Dean!  How could you do that to her?”  Castiel’s voice bounced off the walls and began to make the room shake. 

 

Dean’s eyes went wide at the angel’s words, not only at their anger and effect, but the words themselves.  “What do you mean…I broke her?”

 

“Her soul is fractured because of you!  Because of what you have said to her so many times.” 

 

Dean’s eyes shot to Sam and then back to Castiel.  Tears were beginning to fill them.  He broke your soul…he didn’t know he could even do that…  “I told her that loving me would hurt her…I told her she couldn’t love me, for that reason!”  His voice cracked as a tear ran down his face.

 

Seeing the great Dean Winchester in that state made Castiel take a step back.  “Her love for you didn’t form the crack…it is trying to heal it.  Your words are what make the fracture, your refusal of love.” 

 

“You have to talk to her, Dean.”  Sam threw out quickly.  He was beating himself up as well.  He knew how much this was all getting to you, but he had no idea it was getting that bad.  If he had, he would have put an end to it sooner, but he thought that eventually Dean would see his wrongdoings and fix it.  But he never did…

 

“That is impossible.”  Castiel deadpanned, making both hunter’s eyes land on him.

 

“What do you mean, _that is impossible_?”  Dean mimicked Cas’ voice as panic set over him. 

 

“She asked for me to take her away.  I thought it best for now.”  Castiel turned to leave, but Dean was on his feet, pulling on his arm with a pleading look.

 

“Cas…you have to bring her back…”  Dean’s heart was pounding in his chest.  You weren’t there, he couldn’t see you, couldn’t listen to your voice, couldn’t keep you safe.  He needed you back.

 

“I will bring her back when…and if she is ready, Dean.  You have hurt her enough.  I will not stand back and let you hurt her more.”  And with those words, Castiel flew away, leaving the Winchesters there, mouths hanging open, Dean on the verge of a breakdown.


	3. Chapter 3

It has been three weeks since Castiel brought you to this place.  It took some time to figure it out, but he had placed you on a private beach in the Virgin Islands.  You weren’t sure how he pulled it off, but there was only you on this island, plenty of food, and a bunch of books to read.

 

The first few days had been hard, you missed Dean and Sam so much.  You still did, but here, you were able to clear your mind, heal yourself, and think about the future.  It was actually kinda nice, to get a bit of a vacation.  You spent your days laying in the hammock under the shade of the trees, right on the beach, reading or resting.  There were some days you ventured out for a swim, the water so clear that you could just swim across the top and see the creatures below.  You saw a dolphin one day!

 

You relaxed in the hammock and stared at the light blue sky as it slowly turned to purples and reds.  Sunset.  On nights like these, you would close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to have Dean here with you, his arm wrapped around you as you tucked into his chest…but you had to force open your eyes.  Thoughts like that weren’t going to help you now. 

 

You checked your watch and smiled.  Cas would pop in every couple days to check on you, and he was overdue for a visit.  You had finally decided what to do about your feelings and Dean, and it was time to go back…although, you kinda didn’t want to leave this paradise.  Seriously, how come monsters never came to places like this?  Hunting would be so much better if monsters came to beaches and private bungalows…

 

The fluttering of wings caught your attention and pulled you from your soap box rant.  “Hey, Cas!”  You said as you sat up, making sure not to flip yourself over in the hammock. 

 

“Hello.  How are you?” 

 

“I’m good, Cas…and I have made a decision.”  You looked into his dark blue eyes and saw him give a soft smile.

 

“Very well.” 

 

000

 

Three weeks.  Three weeks of hell.  Dean had barely slept, barely ate.  Is this what being heartbroken was like, cause if it was, he never wanted to feel this way again.  His days were spent trying to take his mind off of you with hunting, fixing baby, cleaning the bunker, and ignoring Sam when he tried to lecture him about you.  His nights were spent just lying in bed, wishing you were there with him, like the nights before you left.  But this time, the wish, the want was so much stronger.

 

What if you didn’t come back?  What if you didn’t love him anymore?  Granted, that was what he had wanted…he thought…for you to not love him, you would be safer then.  But…why couldn’t he be selfish, just this once?  That question was a recent addition to his thought process.  About four days after you left, he thought that to himself.  Why couldn’t he be selfish?  Why couldn’t he be with you? 

 

Dean sighed as he let his head fall against the table he was sitting at.  He hurt, everywhere, and he just wanted you back home.  He knew what he needed to do, what he wanted to do, but he couldn’t do that if you never came home.

 

“Wouldn’t be like this if you had just not been an ass.”  Sam deadpanned without even looking up from his computer.

 

“Don’t you think I know that?!”  He spat back. “Shut your damn mouth and find me a damn case!”  Dean shoved his way out of his seat and turned to leave, but stopped in his tracks.  There, in the doorway, stood Castiel…and you.

 

000

 

Cas sat on the bed as you told him what you wanted to do.  You wandered around the room, gathering your things, as he nodded.  He was patient, he always was, that was what made him such a good friend. 

 

When you had everything together, you stood tall and gave him the signal, letting him fly you back to your home…back to the bunker.  When you landed, you heard Sam shoot his mean words to Dean, and in turn saw Dean blow up on him before he turned and saw you. 

 

You gulped as you gripped your duffle tighter.  “Hi, Dean.”  You looked over to Sam, who had also stood, excited to have you back.  “Hey, Sam.”  Castiel placed a hand on your shoulder and offered to take your bag, which you willing let him do.  There was a flutter and he was next to Sam, and then you were alone with Dean.  And with that, you turned back to Dean, ready to say your peace.

 

“I…I didn’t think I would ever see you again…”  He said with wide eyes.  You could see he was almost shaking, his eyes glistening.

 

“I know.  I wasn’t sure if I would come back.  It hurts, Dean.  It hurts when you do things like that, tell me you love me, but won’t let me love you back.”

 

“I know, and please, listen-.”

 

“No.”  You said strongly.  “I’m going to get this out, and you are going to shut up.”  Dean’s eyes went a bit wider before he gulped and nodded, rubbing the back of his neck.  It was a nervous habit, you knew.  You took a deep breath before speaking.

 

“I love you, Dean Winchester.  I always have, I always will.  And I don’t give a flying fuck if you want me to love you or not.  I know you love me, and this no loving you back is stupid.  So, I’m not doing it anymore.  I am going to love you, and if you don’t like it, then screw you.  Cause I’m going to bake you homemade pies after hunts.  I’m going to make sure to buy that nice whiskey you like.  I’m going to make extra-large burgers when it is my day to cook, because I know you like those things.” 

 

You kept speaking as he took slow steps forward, pulling him closer to you.  “I am going to love you, Dean.  And if you can’t handle that, you need to tell me now.”  He was only an arm’s length away from you as your heart began to pound…he was still moving forward.  “If you can’t handle that, then I’ll leave.  But I can’t do this not loving you, fake it till we make it-.”

 

Your words were cut off as Dean leaned down slowly and laid a kiss upon your lips.  It took you a moment to register, but then you shifted into his body, wrapping your arms around his neck.  He responded by pulling you close, wrapping his arms around your waist.  “I love you.”  He whispered against your lips.  “I love you so damn much.” 

 

You smiled up at him as he pulled away, running your fingers through his hair.  You had imagined a lot of outcomes from your little chat, but this…this one was the one you thought of late at night, when your hopes were high, where all your dreams come true.  You probably should have prepared more…

 

“Dean…I lo-.”

 

“Love me.”  He said with a smile.  “That’s all I ask of you.” 

 

Happy tears fell down your face as he moved quickly, lifting you up in his arms.  “You know I do.  I love you, so much.”

 

“Say it again…please?”  He began to carry you through the halls of the bunker, leading to his room. 

 

“I love you, Dean Winchester.” 

 

You had never seen Dean smile so big, and you were sure your face was just the same.  He stopped in front of his bedroom door and signaled for you to open it.  When you did it, you couldn’t believe your eyes.  Sure, you were in Dean’s room…but instead of just his stuff, your stuff had been moved in here as well.  The couple photos of your family, your clothes, and even some of your little knick knacks you had collected over the years. 

 

“Dean…”  You whispered his name as you pulled him towards you for a kiss.

 

“I don’t ever want to lose you again, baby.  I’m going to love you, as long as you will have me.” 

 

“Forever?”  You said with a smile.

 

“Forever.”  He led you over to the bed and laid you down.  He settled next to you as you both just held each other, whispering how much you loved each other over and over.

 

000

 

“Hey, Cas?”  Sam asked as he watched Dean carry you past the kitchen door. 

 

“Yes, Sam.”  Castiel was rummaging through your bag.  When he landed with Sam in the kitchen, he felt something moving in it, and was worried something crawled in when you weren’t looking. 

 

“What about the fracture in her soul?”  Sam was worried for your safety…and a bit for Castiel’s.  He could hear something moving in there…what the hell did you pack? 

 

“The fracture seems to have healed…I only got a glance when they walked by, but it seemed mostly closed.”  Cas made a strange grunt noise as he pulled out a small crab from your bag.  “I must return this…I will be back.” 

 

Sam chuckled after Castiel, and as he heard Dean and your laughs echo down the hallway.  It was about time Dean let himself be happy, and it is about time you finally got to love Dean.  Sam went back out to the library and shut down his computer.  He had a feeling they wouldn’t be heading out on a hunt for a while…maybe Cas could send him on a little vacation in the mean time? 


End file.
